I was discussing childbirth with a group of women around the table. The conversation opened Pandora’s box of memories, some good and some not so good.
Mother’s Day is an annual celebration that acknowledges the mother of the family and the influence of mothers globally in society. A woman becomes a mother from the moment their baby takes its first breath of life, an occupation they have for their entire lifetime.
The consensus amongst the women was that few knew anything about childbirth and what to expect. Lilian said, we never talked about that sort of thing. Most agreed they were naive and unprepared for motherhood and all that entailed.
Mabel tells me that she had no idea of the level of pain childbirth would bring and thought she was going to die, having her first baby at home with the aid of an elderly midwife who was rough and dominant.
However, when that tiny bundle of joy is in your arms, and you smell the sweet scent of your child and touch the soft, pure skin for the first time, you are absorbed into this miracle of life.
This baby is your flesh and blood, growing inside your womb for nine months, and that maternal instinct kicks in to protect and love your child forever.
Alice told me how she was expecting her first baby, not knowing if it was a boy or a girl, and the shock of giving birth to twin girls was like a double helping of happiness and completing her family.
Back in the day, women were told to get on with childbirth and raising children, often without asking questions, just using their instincts.
Rene adds that having a baby was the most natural thing in the world, and they told her she would forget all the pain of childbirth when she held her baby in her arms for the first time.
Rene tells me she has never forgotten how excruciating the pain was and the feeling of being helpless; even so, she went on to have three more children.
Kate looked at me and said how elated she felt the first time she gave birth to her son Robert; looking into his blue eyes for the first time as she held him in her arms made her forget the 48 hours of labour.
I asked if the father was present at the birth, and everyone laughed and added that it was never allowed at the time and that childbirth was a woman’s work. ” René interrupted and laughed, saying that men had finished their work nine months earlier.” This caused an uproar amongst the group.
Maureen quietly added that she endured five miscarriages before giving birth to her only child when she was 41 years old; nobody prepared her for the sadness and pain she lived through, only being told to try again as if the miscarriages were just something to throw away and forget.
For Maureen, they became her heavenly children, one pregnancy ending in a stillbirth at six months. She quietly commemorates and reflects on the birthdays of every unborn baby.
Some of the most precious mementoes of the lost babies were knitted boots and soft toys that were dedicated to that baby, still cherished today.
The loss of a child or a miscarriage was never part of the conversation until now; her comfort comes from remembering each child as an individual soul whose umbilical cord would be attached to her heart forever.
Phyllis chirped up and said these young girls today have all the new-fangled things and pain relief they never had in their day. Unmarried mothers were frowned upon and scorned as being loose women if they had a baby out of wedlock; these days it’s perfectly acceptable to have a baby and not be married.
All agreed that having children was a blessing and their finest achievement in life, and none would change a thing; after all, hard labour produced our offspring and the contribution towards the future generation.
“Childbirth occurs at the intersection of time; in all cultures, it links past, present, and future. In traditional cultures, birth unites the world of now with the world of the ancestors and is part of the great tree of life, extending in time and eternity.” Sheila Kitzinger.
Oh how true all these stories are, no men allowed, just get on with it, some uncaring ‘helpers’, the list goes on. Beautifully retold Michael, I’ll bet those ladies felt unburdened talking to you about their experiences. Xx
Just read this. Good and bad points here. I had to go through childbirth with no pain relief. It was horrible. I recall it all too clearly now. Here I am, at home, my wife in hospital giving birth to our daughter, and I have to resort to self medication via a half bottle of wine left over from a week ago. On the other hand, no father’s allowed at the birth- RESULT!