A grandmother has asked the internet whether she was wrong to tell her son and daughter-in-law to pay up and pick up on time, or find someone else to mind their children.
In a Reddit post, the woman said she and her husband had cared for their two grandchildren, now about two-and-a-half and four, since birth. The arrangement was meant to save the young family the cost of daycare.
The workload was substantial. Her husband would collect the children around 6:30am and keep them until about 7pm, two to four days a week. The couple also still has a teenage daughter at home.
When the grandmother returned to full-time work in an office and the household was living on one income, the couple asked for $60 a day. The parents agreed, but payments soon became irregular. “They would pay us when they got paid,” she wrote. By the time she posted, she said nearly a year had passed without any payment.
Pick-ups also slipped. She said the children were often collected two to three hours after their mother’s shift ended, despite a drive of 30 to 60 minutes, and often without notice. Meanwhile, she said, the parents turned up to family events in new clothes and with fresh nails while she and her husband struggled to make ends meet.
The couple called a family meeting and set terms: pay on time and pick up when agreed, or find other childcare. She then asked whether she was in the wrong for making them “figure something out”, or whether she should keep being taken advantage of for the sake of her grandchildren.
Commenters largely backed the grandparents. One wrote: “You are not obligated to watch the kiddos.” Others warned the couple to expect the parents to go quiet on them, and said the children were ultimately their parents’ responsibility.
The dilemma will be familiar to many Australian families, where grandparents are a backbone of childcare.
In a 2021 survey by the Australian Institute of Family Studies, two in five grandparents with a grandchild under 13 were providing some childcare. Among those whose youngest grandchild was under 10, the figure rose to 63%. Most said they did it so parents could work or study.
Nearly all – 97% – said they enjoyed it. But nearly half also said it could be tiring, and 28% agreed they “could not say no when asked”.
A 2026 survey of more than 4,200 grandparents over 50 by insurer Australian Seniors found 52% provide regular childcare and 14% do so five or more days a week. Half also help their families financially, giving an average of $3,066 a year. Of those, 55% had dipped into savings or retirement funds, and 64% said their help was rarely or never acknowledged.
Research suggests there is a point where minding grandchildren stops being good for grandparents.
According to The Senior, research led by University of Sydney sociologist Associate Professor Myra Hamilton found up to 13 hours of care a week brought benefits, including better mood, fitness and cognitive health. Beyond that, the physical and emotional burden rose sharply.
By the grandmother’s account, her husband was doing 12-and-a-half-hour days, two to four times a week. That is roughly 25 to 50 hours of care a week, two to four times that threshold, and for nearly a year without the agreed pay.
The Reddit post doesn’t settle whether grandparents owe their families this kind of help. But it is a reminder that the arrangement only works when it is fair to both sides, and that grandparents are allowed to say so.
