We have all experienced fear of the dark in childhood, which may or may not be lurking in the shadows of the bedroom as we attempt to sleep.
As a child, I recall wondering what was beneath my bed or what was hiding in the wardrobe, waiting for darkness to torment me and my wild imagination of the monsters or ghosts that lay waiting to harm me.
Most parents reassure their children that there is nothing to be afraid of in the dark, so they can sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that all is well.
A few years ago, I cared for a woman called Sonia who came into residential care,a timid, shy, retiring soul who had experienced a lifetime of fear of the dark. She told me she had never been able to go to sleep in total darkness due to the traumatic experience she had endured as a child.
Sonia told me of how her cruel father would never tolerate her fear and always insisted on turning off the lights, plunging her room into a den of the unknown. Creating an irrational belief that forces were working against her and would cause harm, she would close her eyes as tightly as she could, crying herself to sleep each night. All imaginable monsters and creatures would go through her mind, which would cause harm and devour her.
Sadly, her mother remained a source of cold indifference, offering neither comfort nor sympathy to ease her daughter’s profound fears. Instead, she appeared entirely engulfed by the harsh and unrelenting influence of her husband’s cruel behaviour, rendering her incapable of extending any warmth or consolation in a time of need.
Sonia would fear darkness beyond the bedroom, with the unfounded belief of being trapped, lost or attacked by an unknown assailant, which gave her a lifetime of anxiety and depression, never going out alone at night.
Sonia’s father had a strict upbringing, and his father had been cruel and violent towards him as a child, which may have influenced his parenting practices. This experience had created a lifetime of psychological harm to Sonia, which she had never come to terms with and had made her a timid and fretful person with little confidence.
Over the years, Sonia ensured that there was light in every room of her house, especially at bedtime, when she slept with a nightlight each night. In the event of a power cut, she had candles placed all around the house in readiness.
When Sonia received her first paycheck as a sales assistant, she immediately bought a table lamp. When she turned it on, dancing fairies twirled around the light, filling her with a sense of safety and reassurance against the fears of what may be lurking in the dark.
Sonia appreciated the time and understanding I gave her, as well as the reassurance that there would always be light in her room.
Sonia was born just before the Second World War; her parents had decided that she was not to be evacuated from what they thought was a safe environment in Croydon on the outskirts of London. This fact only added to her terror of the darkness during the Blitz and the long hours spent in the air-raid shelter, surrounded by the unknown of the night.
Luckily, Sonia married a man who had compassion and understanding of her plight and supported her. They never denied their two boys a night light, though thankfully, they never showed the same amount of fear and anxiety that Sonia had endured.
In the event of a power cut, candles were strategically positioned throughout the house, ready to be lit at a moment’s notice.
Care staff would ensure that her bedroom door was left ajar and that her bedside light remained on all night; this gave Sonia the reassurance she needed to fall asleep. Before retiring to her room for the night, Sonia and I established a calming evening ritual. She would savour a comforting cup of warm milk before being accompanied to her softly lit bedroom.
I believe we underestimate the impact that darkness can have upon a child’s developing mind; only through reassurance and understanding can we ensure that fear of darkness never results in future psychological disturbance.
I like to think that I helped Sonia feel safe and secure in her final years by listening and affirming her anxiety, and the validation of her fear of darkness gave her peace of mind.
Sonia was fully aware that she did not fear darkness itself, only what might be there to harm her, and that her childhood experience had altered her perception of the unknown within the black emptiness of the night. Her irrational behaviour had burdened her with a lifetime of anxiety and stress, a cross she wished she had not had to endure.
Plato once said:
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is
when men are afraid of the light.”
What a sad but uplifting story, so many folks are afraid of the dark but the care given to Sonia is beautiful making life so much happier for her.