May 20, 2017

7 Smart Strategies for Dealing With Toxic People That Most People Don’t Know About

Most of us have to deal with toxic people on a daily basis.

Whether it’s an old friend who’s turned sour, a competitive co-worker or a family member that just won’t go away, toxic people can be tough to deal with.

Should you fight fire with fire? Or should you accept them the way they are? These are difficult questions that aren’t easy to answer.

Fortunately, psychology has found several strategies for dealing with toxic people. Here are 7 of them:

1) Recognize the traits that make you easy prey

Firstly, keep in mind that assessing what traits cause mistreatment of you doesn’t mean that you are to blame.

Do you have a need to please or do you fear causing even the slightest conflict? Take a step back and consider the interactions you have had by focusing on what you did, but not what you felt – and see if you can find a pattern. Once you find a pattern, you can be more aware of what behaviours cause that person to take advantage of you.

2) Explore your reactivity

Again, without taking blame for the dynamic, you should look at how your overreacting and under-reacting in the relationship. For example, if you’re dealing with a bully, continually under-reacting gives them permission to keep on bullying you. Also, people who are easily anxious tend to over-react when a relationship is going south, which only gives narcissists more power to keep on playing with you.

3) Trust your gut

Some people stay in a hurtful relationship because they don’t trust themselves or their judgment. You tend to rationalize their toxic behaviour or give the person the benefit of the doubt. If you find yourself continually making excuses for someone, stop.

4) Beware of the sunk cost fallacy

What’s keeping you in this relationship? According to the work of Daniel Kahneman and Amos Twerksy, humans are notoriously loss-averse and usually prefer to hold onto what they have in the short term – even if giving up a little in the short term will lead to more in the long run.

Also, humans prefer the known to the unknown. Keep this in mind and realize that short term loss may actually lead to long term gain.

5) Recognize the power of intermittent reinforcement

Despite what you may have thought, humans are overly optimistic. We tend to see a close loss as a “near win”. This is what keeps people on slot machines.

Evolution explains this. In our hunter gatherer days, when the challenges of life were mostly physical, staying encouraged enough to keep going and turn the near win into a real one was a good thing. So in toxic relationships, we’re motivated to hang in there, even though we only get what we want some of the time. “Now and again” does not make a pattern and you need to keep that in mind.

6) Guard those boundaries or plan an exit strategy

If the toxic person is someone you can’t avoid, you need to set boundaries for the type of behaviour and contact you’re going to have. You don’t need to be rude, but you need to be firm and decisive. To a co-worker you might say, “I’m okay with criticism, but my being overweight has nothing to do with my performance.”

7) Anticipate push-back retaliation

It’s likely that the toxic person is benefiting in some way from the way they’re acting to you. Once you set boundaries, chances are they will redouble their efforts to keep manipulating to gain the upper hand. Keep firm, strong and direct.

8) Don’t normalize abusive behaviour

They tend to excuse their behaviour by saying things like “they’re only words” or that the real problem was your sensitivity. The bottom line is that emotional or verbal abuse is never OK.

Originally published on Hack Spirit.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Advertisement
Advertisement
Advertisement

Falling Back in Love with Nursing

Everyone at some point in their lives needs a nurse. The young, the old, the injured and the sick have all been cared for by nurses. Most people choose to do nursing with the best of intentions – they want to help people and make a difference for people who need care. But once you’re... Read More

Ticking timebomb: Government ignores warnings of Support at Home’s fatal flaws

Support at Home is a ticking time bomb, and providers’ warnings are falling on deaf ears. Seniors face unaffordable costs and delays that will result in increased hospitalisations, aged care or death. Read More

Ann-Marie Smith’s Carer Was Previously Banned And Not Screened By Employer

  More disturbing details in the horrific death of Ann-Marie Smith came to light yesterday as a South Australian parliamentary committee heard that Ms Smith’s carer, Rosemary Maione, was previously banned by one state government agency over allegations of stealing from homecare clients. Ann-Marie Smith, 54, died in the Royal Adelaide Hospital on April 6... Read More
Advertisement