Jan 09, 2025

Mum-to-Be Refuses to Let Elderly In-Laws Kiss Baby on Lips, Sparking Family Tension

Mum-to-Be Refuses to Let Elderly In-Laws Kiss Baby on Lips, Sparking Family Tension
Can cultural norms justify ignoring a partner’s parenting preferences? [iStock].

A heated discussion on Reddit’s infamous Am I the A**hole (AITA) thread has sparked widespread debate over the boundaries of affection for children.

The original post, made by a 23-year-old woman (OP), details a conflict with her fiancé (27M) regarding whether his parents should be allowed to kiss their soon-to-be-born child on the lips.

OP explains that she finds the practice “weird” and uncomfortable, especially after witnessing her in-laws kiss their other grandchildren on the lips.

She is adamant that kisses on the cheek or forehead are perfectly acceptable but wants to establish a firm boundary against lip-kissing. Her fiancé, however, strongly disagrees, calling the behaviour a “nonnegotiable” tradition in his family.

In the post, OP also reveals a troubling comment from her fiancé: if she doesn’t allow it, he plans to let his parents kiss the baby on the lips behind her back. This has led OP to question their relationship, stating, “Hearing him say that has caused me to fear having a child with him a little now.”

A Divided Reaction: Reddit’s Take on the Dilemma

The responses on Reddit reveal a sharp divide in opinions, with many siding with OP but offering varied reasons. One commenter highlighted the potential health risks, pointing out that herpes simplex virus (HSV) is extremely common and can be fatal to newborns. They cautioned:

“Babies are SUPER vulnerable. Herpes Simplex Virus absolutely CAN infect, blind, or kill your baby. Don’t let anyone kiss your baby’s mouth, face, or any part of their body unless they’ve been tested.”

This sentiment echoes medical advice against letting people kiss newborns on the lips due to their underdeveloped immune systems. Some users even shared tragic anecdotes, such as a father unknowingly transmitting a dangerous virus to his baby through a seemingly harmless kiss.

Others, however, approached the issue from a cultural perspective, arguing that lip-kissing between family members is normal in many cultures. One commenter noted:

“As someone from a culture where kisses hello and goodbye are completely normal… if you aren’t comfortable with it, your partner should not overrule that.”

The true red flag for many, though, was the fiancé’s willingness to disregard OP’s boundaries. One user commented:

“What else has he done or is willing to do behind your back? He has no problem crossing your boundaries, OP. That’s not a relationship I would feel comfortable in.”

This sentiment raises broader questions about partnership dynamics and respect in parenting decisions.

The Bigger Picture: Boundaries, Culture, and Co-Parenting

This dilemma goes beyond lip-kissing; it’s a microcosm of the challenges that couples face when merging family traditions, personal comfort levels, and cultural norms.

On one hand, the fiancé sees lip-kissing as a harmless expression of familial affection, tied to his upbringing. On the other, OP’s discomfort and concerns about her child’s well-being cannot be dismissed as trivial.

The fiancé’s insistence on going behind OP’s back further complicates the situation. Parenting is a partnership, and disagreements like these require compromise and mutual respect – not unilateral decisions.

What Do You Think?

Is the mum-to-be  justified in setting a firm boundary against lip-kissing, or is her fiancé right to want to uphold his family’s tradition? More importantly, does his willingness to override her consent signal deeper issues in their relationship?

We’d love to hear your thoughts on this moral dilemma. Would you allow lip-kissing in your family, or is this a practice that should be left in the past?

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  1. As per our cultural values i never kiss my own vchildren on lips as baby get and infection known or unknown transported to baby unconsciously
    I dont prefer lip kissing but my daughter do she kises her child on lip I find assured but she brought up in modern world now about kissing on lip of child by other family members is totally decide by their parents first so if one partner dont wants to alove her baby to kissed by in laws fiance should respect her decision as she is mother has first right on her own baby than other people I think if she dont wants to fiance should respect her decision

  2. The basis of this argument isn’t really the kiss on the lips but the lack of respect for the women. Having noted this as something the women now needs to consider for any future with the man and his family. Now, looking at kisses on the lips. The mouth has multiple germs some that passed on to a new born or young child can have life changing consequences. Ignorance is not an excuse. Lack of respect needs to be called out. I’d advise the women to look elsewhere for a partner. I’d advise the man to look at himself and smarten up and finally I’d advise the older people in life to see that they had their turn at parenting. Be smarter and kinder.

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