Oct 12, 2021

Come as you are: Hattie RetroAge and the reframing of retirement age raunch

Hattie RetroAge and the reframing of retirement age raunch

WARNING: This article contains sexual subject matter.

Dressed in chic designer clothing, her disarming warmth and elegance do little to prepare you for the bawdy and brutal realities of her favourite talking points.

“I have never met a man that didn’t want to f**k me,” Hattie boldly remarked when questioned about her interest in younger men. 

In a world where people are increasingly willing to challenge stereotypes regarding race and gender, Hattie is the human embodiment of a middle-finger gesture aimed squarely at any and all preconceived notions regarding sexuality and ageing.

A contrarian in every sense, 85-year-old Hattie’s first foray into the mainstream came via the youth-dominated genre of reality TV on a program called Age Gap Love, which chronicled her relationship with a 39-year-old man.

While viewers were quick to deem Hattie’s attitudes towards her own sexuality as an oddity due to her age, her rebuttal to those asking ‘why?’ has always been an unapologetic and resounding ‘why not?’

“People never seem to care when an older man dates a younger woman,” said Hattie

Living life as a free spirit has granted Hattie numerous opportunities, including modelling for Dolce & Gabbana at the age of 70, authoring several books and attaining social media influencer status.

Now focused on her work as a sex/age dating coach, she leverages open and honest opinions regarding her own sex life to create dialogues where her clients feel comfortable enough to voice their own fears and embarrassment. 

“You have to override whatever feelings you have about tits, your d**k, or your balls, because [let’s face it] Michelangelo did not sculpt us,” said Hattie.

The awakening

With adventure clearly a priority later in Hattie’s life, it would surprise many to learn that she once lived a lifestyle akin to the stereotypical female homemaker of the 1960s.

Young Hattie
Simpler times: Hattie Wiener long before adopting her 'RetroAge' moniker.

However, after 25 years of marriage, and what she describes as a “wonderful sex life,’’ the loving mother, known then as Hattie Wiener, decided to end her marriage in 1984 and re-enter the dating world aged in her late 40s.

In what can only be described as an audacious dating ploy, Hattie put an advertisement in the paper stating that she was only interested in meeting young men – which, according to Hattie, yielded fruitful results.

Now, close to four decades on from her first post-divorce dates, Hattie reveals that her needs remain the same.

Older men have made their money, they’re successful, they’ve already travelled and brought up [their] children. They’re not excited about starting something new.”

Hattie insists that the sense of adventure and vibrancy commonly found in younger men is her biggest attraction, but there are other benefits that she is also quick to point out.

“A younger guy isn’t worried about ageing, they’re not afraid that they won’t get an erection, and they’re not going to be afraid that they can’t deliver for the woman,” explained Hattie.

“Younger men, they ‘get off’ from getting a woman off, and that’s a lot different from when I was younger.”

Sex and self-worth

Although the initial excitement of Hattie’s dating exploits were a welcome relief to the realities of divorce, the continuous cycle of fleeting physical interactions left Hattie feeling unwanted and devoid of meaningful connection.

“At the beginning, I was very disappointed that I didn’t get what it was I really wanted, which was another life-mate,” Hattie admitted.

“The emotional side was bad. I would cry. I was carrying on like that for decades – and I would get depression. I screw, I sleep with, I make love with many men, and not one of them has said, ‘I want you for my life’.”

helmet hattie
Hot Commodity: Hattie was a regular on the New York dating scene

After years of soul searching, Hattie decided to reframe her internal dialogue and began embracing the adventurous aspects of her lifestyle. 

With acceptance came a sense of appreciation that left Hattie feeling grateful.

Feeling content with her own place in the world, Hattie set her sights on ensuring that seniors who may already enjoy an emotional connection, do not forgo the joys of sex due to reservations regarding their age. 

“My life goal is to change the decrepit view and experience of ageing and turn it into an exciting, life-loving adventure.”

The realities of senior sex

With close to four decades worth of single-living sex experience, Hattie’s counselling sessions regarding sex and ageing are steeped in lived experience and realism.

While the desire for sex often remains in the latter stages of life, the stark realities of ageing can often pose some interesting logistical challenges.

“Some people lose their muscle strength, some lose their mind, and a person’s sex hormones start diminishing as they age.”

She added, “It’s like nature’s way of saying, ‘You have had enough to deal with, so men, I’m gonna make you soft. And women, I’m going to render you non-orgasmic. Isn’t that fun?’”

Despite these hurdles, modern-day medicine has broadened the horizons of seniors who would have previously been forced to wave the white flag due to functional limitations.

But, those with a will can almost certainly find a way.

One of Hattie’s most important insights from her lived experiences is the positive change in expectations regarding a woman’s role in the bedroom.

Hattie with Friends
Out on the Town: Hattie with friends

“Women really want sex just like men really want sex. And they both have to know that about each other,” said Hattie. 

“There’s no major difference anymore and there never really was. The biggest difference now is women feeling comfortable to express themselves.”

She continued, “Nowadays, men [particularly younger men] get-off from getting a woman off, and that’s a lot different from when I was younger. The best sex comes from realising that you both like sex and that it’s OK for that to be the case – especially for older women.”

Carefree lifestyle notwithstanding, Hattie has always avoided situations involving married men and encourages all older people who are seeking out new connections to outline their intentions clearly and base their action on “honesty and integrity”.

“Men also need to be honest. Tell your partner exactly what you think. People always say that men think through their d***s, well I don’t think so. D***’s don’t think – they simply rise or fall of the occasion.”

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  1. All I can say on that is she obviously has no hangups about her age or body image. I could understand her being attracted to younger males not too young I hope. As men get older they most often than not let themselves go and become boring and predictable. We all know what I am talking about. It’s not for this girl. Too late now. Fully married. Okay to dream what could have been though I suppose. Always nice to look though. Alot safer.

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